Bit by bit.

For a really long time, I thought I never moved from where I was. But right now, I see it. 

For every struggle that I went through, I chose to see my weak side. I count the number of failures. If only I counted the number of times I was strong, that I gave myself the strength to get out of bed every day, no matter how I felt inside. 

1 year... it was a really torturous 12 months. Every moment, I find myself saying 'it'll be better next month' then slowly it became 'it'll be better when I'm back home'. Did it?

I'm not too sure. I stayed with my dad during the summer, wasnt back at my mum's much. But I remember the scent of the house, and then the ache will follow. It's just that sometimes when I don't take notice, it hits me. But I guess I'm better now.

I found myself bit by bit. I found the me when I was 19, before whatever happened. 19 in personality, but 22 in maturity. I am happy, I found myself being really satisfied with my current life. As I was telling my friends, I'm not too sure if I've gotten used to being alone, or I am truly enjoying being alone. 

It doesn't matter. My duty now is to be a student. 

Wiser and tougher, smarter and much more shrewd. I won't deny it. 

My takeaway from this is, we never know that we hit rock bottom because we don't look at what's below us. We just know that we are sinking, and the only way is up. Only when we stop struggling, we look back at how far we have come. That's what strong people do. We swim.

Being weak is not wrong, sometimes we sit at the bottom, sometimes someone we don't expect will pull us up. Maybe not all the way, maybe just a little bit, but sometimes that's all it takes to start the drive. Or maybe sometimes the current will push us to where the light is. 

I will always remember to live in the present. To feel the wind weaving through my hair, to hear the engines of cars and to taste all the food I love. 

I am free.